Lipstick
by Darkness Dawn
Summary: Zero thinks that Kaname would look GREAT in a dress, and Yuuki’s only too happy to help. Meanwhile, how long can Kaname survive hiding behind the sofa? ZeKa crack!


_**Lipstick**_

**Darkness Dawn**

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own Vampire Knight, if I did, this scene would so be in it!!! (Just as well I don't own it then, eh?)_

_**Summary:**__ Zero thinks that Kaname would look GREAT in a dress, and Yuuki's only too happy to help. Meanwhile, how long can Kaname survive hiding behind the sofa? ZeKa crack!_

_**A/N:**__ The start of this fic may make more sense if you've read All in One, a oneshot in my oneshot collection Silver Fragments. You don't have to of course. Anyway, basically, Kaname was being overly cuddly and Zero was reflecting on the many things Kaname was to him. Then he got the idea of Kaname dressed as a woman and… this happened! XD_

_Silly crack. Enjoy!_

_By the way, has anyone ever eaten their black lipstick? Or am I the only one who finds it tasty?_

* * *

Kaname Kuran was having a relatively normal day. He, Yuuki and of course, Zero, were staying at the Chairman's house. Everybody was happy and relaxed… except him. Since yesterday, Kaname had the horrible feeling something terrible was going to happen.

Not only that, but Zero and Yuuki had both been acting strangely, having hushed conversations that came to an abrupt halt as soon as they realised he was there. Now he was going to find out what they were up to. Stopping by the door he listened in on Yuuki and Zero's conversation.

"…ooh! Yes, deep burgundy is such a good colour on him!" Yuuki's voice cut through the quiet air.

"Of course, it matches his eyes." Zero's voice agreed with her.

"Ah, this reminds me so much of our childhood, mother always enjoyed this _so_ much…"

"So, ankle length or knee length?"

"Hmm… well he _does_ have very feminine legs…"

"Yes, I'm so jealous…" Yuuki sighed.

"Knee length. Definitely. What colour lipstick?"

"Mother always liked to use deep reds or pale pinks on him, though if we use a Lolita dress then black goes well too, too bad I ate all my black lipstick."

"You _ate_ your lipstick?"

"What? It's tasty!"

"…whatever. So this afternoon then?"

"Yes, he's going to look so _cute_ in this dress…" Both Zero and Yuuki laughed, it was a quiet laugh, but to Kaname's ears it sounded like the evil maniacal laughter of a mad villain.

He had a pretty good idea of just who the two prefects were discussing, the very tone in Yuuki's voice reminded him of Juuri Kuran, the single most _evil_ woman he had ever met. She was evil incarnate, and it seemed that evil ran in the genetic structure of two X chromosomes.

_Women were evil…_

The pureblood quickly moved away from the room were Yuuki and Zero were hatching their evil plan, and found a place to hide behind the sofa in the living room.

How could Zero do this to him!? He was a boy! Why did fate insist on trying to make him into a girl!? Even his _name_ was commonly given to girls!

Kaname froze as he felt Zero's presence in the room.

"Kaname, I know you're in here…" Kaname shuddered, he could almost imagine the sadistic smirk on his evil lover/tormentor's face. "Kaname, I _know_ you that you heard us talking… and honestly? Hiding behind the sofa? How old are you?" The pureblood looked up in shock to see Yuuki and Zero leering evilly down at him from their perch on the sofa.

"Hello nii-sama…."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

---X---

Five minutes later Kaname Kuran was dressed in a deep burgundy dress complete with high heels, make-up and a lolita headband. He whimpered. It was happening again!

"Hmm… I think there's something missing…" said Zero, thoughtfully.

"Yeah… Oh wait, Kaname has a flatter chest than I do."

"Yes!!! You can't dress me up as a girl! I don't have any breasts!" cried Kaname. Suddenly this whole, horrible scene seemed to be over. Nobody would force him to dress like a girl, and he could run away. (And plot revenge. Zero was _so_ getting chained to the bed tonight…) His relief was short lived however, as Yuuki grinned cheerfully/sadistically.

"Oh no problem, I prepared for something like this. See?" She held up a piece of clothing. "I stuffed a bra full of tissue just in case!" Kaname whimpered as he set eyes on the evil weapon.

"You've turned into mother…" he whimpered. Yuuki's grin widened, there was a sadistic glint in her eyes and he could see the tips of her fangs poking out from her upper lips. Where was his gentle little sister!? When had she turned into the reincarnation of Pure Evil, a.k.a Juuri Kuran!?

"I'm glad you think so nii-sama…"

"I don't know you anymore…" he said, his voice coming out in a choked whisper, as Yuuki put the instrument of mass evil and torture on him. In a last desperate attempt to save himself, Kaname sent a pleading look to Zero, who to the pureblood's despair grinned sadistically back at him. There was no hope. None. He was _doomed_…

…Kaname felt like crying…

"Very cute," said Zero, nodding in approval, his normally gentle lavender eyes sparkling with evil intent.

"Here," said Yuuki, pocking something up from a nearby drawer. "Let's take some pictures shall we?" With vampire speed Yuuki took the pictures and dashed out of the room, calling: "Just wait until everyone sees this!!!" Kaname barely noticed as he stared his lover with wide eyed betrayal.

"Why…?"

"Aw… Kaname, what you don't like it?" Asked Zero in a mock sympathetic voice, wrapping one arm around Kaname's waist and using the other to pull up Kaname's skirt. The feeling of Zero's fingers lightly running against the skin of his legs so close to _there_ was incredibly arousing, even though the action was so small and Kaname was humiliated (and traumatised). At the same time he ran his tongue along his lover's neck, causing the pureblood to groan slightly in pleasure.

"Nhh… Z-Zero…" _Well, OK, maybe being forced to cross-dress wasn't all that bad…_

"Heh, you're so cute like this Kaname… Let's see if we can find another use for that ribbon around your waist…"

---X---

_Elsewhere…_

"Ido- I mean, Aidou-sempai!!!" called Yuuki, running after the blonde noble. Hanabusa Aidou turned around and gave her a disgruntled look, he was busy! He didn't care if this dopy, dead brained girl _was_ the Kuran princess the was the most annoying person he's ever met!

"What?"

"I have something for you!" Said Yuuki cheerfully.

"Well I don't want it!" Aidou snapped back.

"Sure? But it's such a lovely picture of Onii-sama…" Aidou froze as his priorities did a three-hundred-and-sixty degree turn.

"What picture!?" he cried, spinning around to face Yuuki, who grinned and brought the photo close to the noble's face.

Akatsuki Kain later found his cousin sprawled out on the floor, having happily passed out from a major nosebleed…

* * *

_Lol. I have the strong urge to draw that photo now… I enjoyed writing this, even though it's completely OOC (Well except for Hanabusa and perhaps Juuri…) But hey, it is a crack fic!_

**Review, or Yuuki-sama and Zerorin will do this to you too! (Minus the hot yaoi scene in my head that you didn't get to read...)**


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